Meditating

A young woman I talk to once in a while, (she's 27) asked me if it is common for people to constantly feel anxious about something or other in life. I told her it was. It's the hardest lesson to learn in life, but there will always be a state of anxiety that lingers in the background. Just how one copes with that anxiety is the trick to living our lives we all have to learn. That's the main focus of most studies of Psychology.

What I found has helped the most in the past year has been the Paul Scheele meditations a friend shared with me. I think that and possibly getting a new job. But the anxiety that was underlying everything isn’t there anymore.

I've had the best experiences with meditation since I realized it's not what I thought it was when I first learned about it; the notion that all meditation is like the selfless Yogi on the mountain top isn't the entire picture. It's exactly what I’d been doing all my life when I am in an optimal state. People think meditation is something entirely different and they think they aren't meditating. I have friends who express frustration with not being able to meditate. I really think that they have been meditating and they probably didn’t realize it. It's being focused. It’s that state one’s in when they play a game, or play an instrument. The outside world doesn't intrude at all. Some people get that way with TV. You can talk and talk to someone watching their favorite TV program, but it won't register that someone is talking to them.

With the Paul Scheele’s audio meditations, I understand that the underlying sounds and tones are what take care of the meditative state. The other thoughts that intrude really don't matter. It’s the process that matters. You’re still, quiet and within yourself. It’s ok to think about things. Maybe one day you won't have thoughts flitting around your mind. But for now, take that thought and run with it. And the next thought, if it comes up, is ok too. Telling yourself you can't meditate just reinforces the idea that you can't and then you don't do it at all.

Something tangential but related regarding thinking about meditation was regarding an article I read and then also later heard a small piece on NPR about it: Children who are told they are smart and brilliant stop trying when they encounter something they find hard. They tend to think; oh I’m not smart enough to figure this out. So they tend to not do as well in school. Children who are told they are smart but also that maybe there's another way to figure out a problem or maybe with a little work they can do even better and become the kids who are in the top 10% of their classes. They know that effort matters more than just being smart.

I remember the kids who were in the top ten percent of my class in Texas. They weren't that much more brilliant than the other kids. They just knew how to apply themselves, they knew how to study, and they knew how to focus. (Even the guy who was the valedictorian knew how to cheat so he wouldn't get caught. He was the biggest cheater in the school.)

I've emphasized to my daughter that she needs to worry about school now so that her life later on will be a little easier for her. If she gets to go to college, then she won't have to worry about jobs as much or struggle with school later on if she does well now.
The NPR story said that teaching a kid that intelligence isn't a fixed number, that it can always change. It should be emphasized that you can improve yourself and your brain and it teaches a kid that they aren't constrained by their "IQ".

Looking back I can see that I was told, "you're a smart kid.”. When I encountered something hard (algebra) I gave up. I told myself, I wasn't smart enough. I don’t get it, therefore I’m not capable. Who cares if I could read 4 levels above all the other kids and skipped the 4th grade. I was dumb because I couldn't get math. I want to teach my daughter that learning something isn't dependant upon her intelligence. It's dependant on whether or not she gives it some effort.

To tie the two thoughts together, (you had to know I was getting there through this side road of thought) I would then go on to say that being able to meditate or not isn't a fixed intelligence thing as well. It’s something with effort that can be accomplished. It has to be of importance to you, though; like getting good grades would be to a kid.